The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
