I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
