puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
