So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
