I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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