you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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