I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
