K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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