i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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