So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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