I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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