nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
