whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize