These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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