My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
