nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she smelled like a LAN party
it glows. i had to have it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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