I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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