New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
