if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
