You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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