she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
