Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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