Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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