so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
