Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
