she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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