we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
