You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
