Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
