Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
