i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I party with great urgency now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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