4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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