Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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