I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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