my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
