i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
no, he came in my armpit
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
