Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
