We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
