Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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