the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
