The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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