A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
