I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
