hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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