Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
