it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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