you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will be naked everywhere
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
