I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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