batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
