When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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