i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
