Me. At least after what I've been through.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
