When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
