i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
