Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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