before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
