You know, be my cock's hype man.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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