I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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