you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
