So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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