I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
