Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
