I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
