Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
vagina is talking i cant
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
