and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
