im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize