She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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